Changing Language to Develop Different Perceptions of Self and World.

Accepted Vernacular


During my morning walk today, I was thinking about how our perspectives on life could change if we modified the terminology used to describe our experiences .Creating a culture for change through the use of words to describe our experiences needs to also be accompanied by motivation to change our behavior and how we view the world.I worked in the human services field for 27 years and we used a variety of functional terms used to classify the circumstances of the persons that we served.  I commonly used terms such as "dysfunctional", "suffered from addiction and/or mental illness during my career either during meetings with my clinical supervisor or with those whom I was assigned   to counsel.  At the time, this was the accepted  universal vernacular of the human services field .Much of the terminology used in the human services field, particularly in the context of diagnoses, has labels and stigmas associated with them.We are a product of the messages we receive during our formative years. If we feel inherently negative about ourselves , how our experience is viewed by others using commonly accepted terminology, can accentuate feelings of low self esteem and self-efficacy.  It is easy for an individual who is already feeling negative about him or her self and the world, to easily buy into the stigmas and feel powerless to change the perceptions.
 I also believe that individuals who are not a part of the human service system, but facing life challenges need to be cognizant of how they describe their experiences, as well.  

A New Language


After my walk, I  wrote in my journal some terms and phrases that I came up with to assist ourselves and others to conceptualize life experiences differently. The word or phrase that I came up with is listed followed by the more traditional term that has been more commonly used.

•           Dancing with Dysfunction vs. Living with or Surrounded by Dysfunction:  Living with or being surrounded by dysfunction ,to me, implies that we don't have a choice in shaping our destiny, or that we are permanent victims of circumstance.  Dancing is time-limited and  involves  among other things movement and rhythm. We can  dance with anything for as long as we choose and then move away from it , and in the process find a different rhythm ,while shaping a new reality. There is empowerment in movement; in movement there is hope.

•                Challenges vs Struggle :  It was always common for me to assess an individual with whom I worked as struggling with addiction or struggling with mental illness.I often used the phrase" struggling with grief" when describing my early journey following the death of my 18-year-old daughter Jeannine in 2003.There is a heavy weight or burden that is linked to struggle. When I think of struggle I recall the tale of Sisyphus ,who was  the king of Cornith . He was punished for chronic deceitfulness by being forced  to roll a huge boulder up a hill, only to watch it roll back down, and to repeat this action forever. Struggle is tiring and associated with futility. We can address challenges and use their lessons to define the world we want to live in, during the best of times and during times of transition in our lives. 

•            Feeling Empowered vs. Feeling Powerful : It is easy to feel powerful when discovering insights or truths that help us address the challenges that life brings us.  However, power can be abused and ego-driven when it comes to the relationship with others. As it relates to our own spiritual growth, feeling powerful  can foster a sense of invulnerability and a belief that there is nothing left to learn from others or the world around us.  Empowerment means that we have given ourselves permission to see reality differently,commit to a constant state of learning, and license to acknowledge our shortcomings without fear of judgment. Empowerment allows us to inspire others to seek their own truth. 

  

            As we progress on our life journeys it is important to regularly assess the strategies that are working for us and discard those that were once useful, but don't apply to us in the present. How we view ourselves and others through the words we use needs to be part of that ongoing self -evaluation and a key part of the skills that we develop to embrace the process of transformation.  

Faith,Doubt and Warriors of Light

To Inspire and Self Inspire
As I have grown older, I have committed to be in a constant state of learning and discovery. Once I believe there is nothing left to learn, then it is time for me  to look deep within. Periodic introspection and reflection as a matter of course is crucial to our ongoing development . A requirement of the human experience is to constantly find ways to reinvent and redefine ourselves.in both the best and worst of times Not only does it keep our perspective on life fresh, but our relationships with others takes on a whole new meaning. We can also use our  ongoing learning about ourselves as a foundation to present observations to others from a perspective that they may not have previously considered. As a result , we inspire them and inspire ourselves in the process.

With that in mind, I would like to offer my reflections and observations on a couple of items that  I recently read:

Viewing Humanity Differently
"We are the warriors of light. With the strength of our love and will, we can change our destiny....and the destiny of many others"- Paulo Coehlo

In the literal sense, a warrior is someone who is skilled in battle and combat. In the context of Coehlo's words the term warrior represents a paradigm shift or change in perspective, that can serve us well during challenging times in our lives. I know that after the death of my daughter Jeannine in 2003, I  eventually began to see the value of treating others with respect and love, even during times when I didn't love myself.  Once I began to consistently commit to these values , the way I viewed humanity changed and the way that humanity responded to me changed. As a result I became aligned with individuals with like values; other warriors of light.  My perspective on life and particularly on Jeannine's death became transformed.


Reflections from Leonard Pitts
"Faith and doubt do not oppose each other. They define each other ,like light and shadow."- From the article, "Having a casual chat with the "universal spirit" by Leonard Pitts

Leonard Pitts is a columnist for The Miami Herald and fast becoming my favorite journalist because he dares to ask the questions everyone else may be thinking. He is creative and does not subscribe to conventional wisdom. I have always thought conventional wisdom was highly overrated anyway.

I have learned during my journey after Jeannine's death, that joy,pain and sadness coexist and that continued spiritual growth occurs as a result of our ability to embrace and learn from all emotions that we experience.  I agree with Pitts' observations on faith and doubt as well. After Jeannine's death, my faith in everything that I believed in came into question. I had doubts that I would ever learn to live with what happened and that I would ever truly feel fulfilled again. As I look at it now, my dance with doubt contributed to my eventual restoration of faith in myself and in the universe to provide for my needs. I couldn't have developed a stronger faith if I was unwilling to allow doubt to embrace me. Do I experience self-doubt now. Absolutely! To deny this would be denying my ability to be human.  I strive in this moment to use self-doubt as a means  to promote continued self-awareness including those limitations that I still possess. I will strive to embrace my limitations for the lessons that they will continue to teach me.

Square Dancing in a Round Room
There is, from my perspective , a concept that connects the thoughts of both Leonard Pitts and Paulo Coehlo....... shapeshifting. Here is how Ted Andrews defines shapeshifting in his book, Animal Speaks

Shapeshifting is natural to all of humanity. Every day on some level,we shift our energies to meet the daily trips, responsibilities and obligations of life..... Shapeshifting is a matter of controlling and shifting your own energies to fit the needs of the moment- being able to draw upon those qualities and energies necessary.

Simply put, the art of shapeshifting is similar to learning how to square dance in a round room.  Our will ,love and determination alone won't change the shape of that room. It will forever remain round. We can however shift our energies and thoughts in a way that fits the existing terrain, and empower ourselves in the process ,to view our worlds through a different lens.

Sometimes the most evolved souls take the most challenging paths

Dr. Brian Weiss