I think if we all had a choice, we would want to live our lives without emotional pain. Considering that we do not live in a Utopian society, the avoidance of pain is impossible. Pain and loss is and always will be a part of our existence. Many bereaved individuals that I know have been able to thrive in the midst of catastrophic loss because of their ability to use their pain to learn how to become better people and help others.
As I have mentioned in previous posts and articles, our grief journeys are circular. We can experience the pain of loss at anytime depending on what is happening to us in the present. I still periodically experience the pain of my daughter Jeannine's physical absence in my life. I do not shy away from it, but rather try to ask: "What is my pain trying to teach me about my journey?" A few months ago, I came across a speech Jeannine did when she was a middle school student. Finding it, brought up fresh feelings of emotional pain. However, as I read her speech, I found that it contained a simple, valuable lesson that I will use to emphasize the importance of adequate support for the bereaved and the need for them to share their stories in communities that support ongoing connection to their loved ones.
In early grief, we are usually too consumed by the emotional pain resulting from the physical absence of our loved ones, to view our pain as a teacher of life lessons. The emphasis(at least for me) was to survive it and to blindly keep looking for a ray of hope. But now I have tried to see my pain as an ally, something that will eventually help me to see new paths or learn new lessons on my journey. Some days I am better at it then other days, but such is the imperfect nature of our journeys. But perfection is not something to strive for in the midst of unbearable loss; resilience is, however.
I encourage all of you to look at pain from a different perspective. Once you experience and eventually detach from the pain, additional truths about your journey or other directions to explore, may come to light.
