Since my daughter Jeannine's death over eight years ago, I learned that the only thing that I could control was the present moment. Being able to control the present made it easier to allow the universe to take care of my future. However, I have recently begun to discover the role of the past in enhancing my quality of life in the present and..... future.
During a trip to Long Island last year, my dear friend Patty, introduced me to the power of animal medicine. The lessons that animals can teach us is beautifully described in the book, Medicine Cards: The Discovery of Power Through The Ways of Animals, by Jamie Sams, a book which I ordered soon after my trip ended. I never had considered our animal kingdom friends as sources of inspiration, teaching and wisdom while Jeannine was alive. However, since Jeannine's death, I have learned to embrace a lot of non-ordinary phenomenon to provide clarity and direction in a world without her physical presence . I had to embrace different methods and ways to adjust to my new circumstances, because, frankly, my old ways of thinking about and relating to the world no longer applied. So when my friend presented the medicine card book to me, I believed that this would be another unique way to learn lessons about myself, the world and my grief journey. When I got home, I recorded every animal that crossed my path in my journal, consulted the Sams book, and wrote the messages that I believed they were trying to convey to me. The messages were always relevant to what was going on with me in the present moment.
Earlier last month, there was a stretch of several days where I saw crows everywhere. They would be on the side of the road or flying over my car . Another time two of them were walking unceremoniously across my yard, while I was enjoying a morning cup of coffee. I consulted the Sams book and discovered that one of the teachings of crow medicine involves "balancing the past, present and future in the now." Sams summed this perspective up very eloquently: "Honor the past as your teacher, honor the present as your creation,and honor the future as your inspiration." I thought I had been attempting to live this mantra since Jeannine died, but crow apparently thought I was missing something , because he just wouldn't go away.
I didn't fully understand what crow was trying to teach me until I had a recent session with a Holistic Practitioner named Susan, who specializes in,among other things,working with body energy. Her energy readings indicated that there were family and childhood issues that were evident . They also surfaced in the two previous sessions that I had with her. I told her that my favorite uncle, who had died when I was 14 was prominent in my thoughts lately. It then occurred to me that I needed to honor his past influence on me, in the present. When I verbalized this insight, Susan suggested that I create a sacred space containing inanimate objects representing my ancestors (aunts, uncles ,grandparents, mother,father and of course, Jeannine) and acknowledge the positive influence that they have had on me. I took her advice and began to set aside some time a couple of times a week to acknowledge the qualities that they passed down to me that has helped me in the present, and that would help me in the future. I found that doing this also gave me peace and a sense that my ancestors, in addition to Jeannine ,have had an influence on my grief journey from the beginning.
Once I discovered that crow wanted me to more fully honor the influence of my ancestors,in the present and future, he stopped making his presence known to me. However, I suspect that I will continue to discover the power of animals throughout my grief journey and continue to embrace the lessons that they teach.
