The journey after the death of a loved one is emotionally draining and physically exhausting, particularly in the early stages of grief(which I see as minimally ,two years). It is also easy to feel some guilt because we will experience moments of joy during early grief. It is almost as if it is sacrilegious to experience some happiness without the physical presence of our loved ones . Those moments of joy will present themselves whether we want them to or not. When they do,embrace those moments for however long they last. You may find that those moments of joy give you welcome respite from the pain of loss, and eventually gives you a reason to live your life again by celebrating the life of your loved ones.
About two weeks after my daughter Jeannine died, I went to see Bela Fleck and the Flecktones at the Turning Stone Casino, with some good friends. I had seen them perform several times before and they play with a passion and level of musicianship that is simply unparalleled. For two hours, their energy joy and playful spirit that they communicated through their music gave me a temporary respite from my pain and put a smile on my face. I would encourage you to expend the effort in early grief to do things that give you some joy. You may find that not only will it give you temporary relief from your pain, but that eventually you may develop a renewed sense of purpose .
Experience joy without the weight of guilt. We are not equipped to experience the intense pain of loss 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
What I have come to discover during the eight years after my daughter Jeannine's death is that life is this wondrous mix of joy, pain, and challenges. Our ability to be totally present in those joyful moments and learn from the pain and challenges that life presents, will determine the quality of our life after loss.
